Never say GoodBye

I thought I can be very tough... But recent days, I found out that I couldn't. :(

Whenever talked about him, think of him, do whatever also will remind me of him.

I'm really depressed that you leaved us so early. :'(

Why don't you live longer? You doesn't look like "short-life-ed" person. I thought you can live longer. I thought you can see me graduate, fetch me to work next time, see sis get married, and... even got the chance to be grandfather? I got many things wanted to tell you. Why don't you open your eyes that two days? I'm so suffer to see you lied on the bed and breath with the help of the machine! I miss the precious time. I feel regretted to told you, " I don't like to study. If not because of you, I won't study." (then he looked at me, kept silent. *with a sad and disappointed expression) I'm sorry dad... I know you were hurt that time. I just said it for no meaning. I don't mean it actually. :'(

18th Oct midnight (1am++)

I called him, told him that I couldn't sleep and feel uncomfortable. :(

Sorry again, I shouldn't call you that night. I guess, I told you so, "added" your burden and made you worried. I'm really sorrrrryyyyy..... :'(

19th Oct night

Chat with mummy. Heard dad voice talking beside her.

21th Oct

Early morning, dad claimed that he felt headache, fainted and went comma for two days. I canceled my plan as I wanted to go back on 22th (*he knows I'm going back on 22th). I took immediate train to KL and my cousin fetched me back to Sbn. I stayed hospital to look after him. Keep talked with him, I know he heard what I said, I know he tried very hard to open his eyes, but he can't. My heart damn ache seeing you suffering like this! :'(

23th Oct

Morning- nurses check his temperature. FEVER! 40+ degree. Keep increasing... Very worried. And... doctor keep told us to get ready that he will "go anytime". I ignore them. I keep thinks that there's miracle appear and he will wake to see me! Unfortunately, HE took him away from me!

He leave us without a single word. :(

He not used to say Goodbye when he were alive.

That is why, before he "go" he still the same, never say Goodbye~ :'(

26th Oct

Burried. :'(

Finally, you'd "totally" leaved us... :'(

R.I.P...

Evening took a nap on sofa, I dream of you! You look very happy. Saw you keep laughing... Hope you're really happy in other world. Maybe as what they said, he is more happy to stay in other world than being human? :(

Wish to dream of you tonight~ Let me know how are you? :'(

Now onward... we lived without you.
Don't have you to fetch me n mummy to yamcha,
Don't have you to fetch me back Kampar,
Don't have you to fetch us to shopping,
Don't have you to fetch me to/from KTM,
Don't have you to fetch me out for dinner/supper,
Don't have you to "dabao" for me,
Don't have you to accompany me study at late night,
Don't have you to tell me "human's theories",
Don't have you to watch TV with me,
Don't have you to take care of me,
Don't have you to nag me,
Don't have you to chat with me in phone,
Don't have you accompany me to yamcha,
Don't have you to repair whatever that spoiled in home,
Don't have your love, and,

Don't have you in my life....
.... anymore....
I LOVE YOU!!! :'(

meaningless life without you...

Accident or Tomorrow?  Which comes first?